Documented Explorations of the Chaotic Mind




Ordinary Days with Rino

There is something to be said about ordinary days.

This day started off ordinary. I felt a little bit of a rut forming. And I freaked out. Ruts are part of the creative process. Especially after producing a lot of work in a short can leave you drained and a bit removed from everything. In these times, I have to turn off from the world and go inward to find the next transformation. I can feel it. Change. I know when change is on its way. It scares me, but I need it. We all do. I love to change. I love transforming.

But today felt ordinary. My practice and focus has shifted a bit, and because of that it's been a more passive hunt for miracles around me. You can see it in my writing. When I am not as inspired by the life around me. But I have to thank my dear friend Rino for this one. For the sake of anonymity, Rino is the name I use to describe a dear friend that entered my life at a very synced time. Yes, she is part of the tribe of people that built me back up after he passed away. She was there to witness it. She found them. But more about this later.

I have been feeling this life upheaval the past few days... a lot of career stuff followed by a dollop of social/relationship stuff that sort of just took the life out of me. All good now, don't worry. But I fear sometimes that my having to discuss my experiences to understand them is a burden to my dear friends. I teeter the line of thinking I am dramatic versus being extremely full of candor. Maybe it's both? I don't do maybe..but heck. But ANYWAY, the inspiration I was given today came in the form of Rino.

She came over for a self tape and of course we ended up gabbing about life and love. And through us revealing the love tales of our lives, I was able to see how alike Rino and I are. On the surface, Rino is a very light, bubbly, unassuming and sweet person with a lot of humility. WOW. Was I shocked to find the soul behind Rino. It runs very deep. This person has experienced the kind of pain that can alter your entire life. She has seen and felt things most of us never will. And you would never know it. Not until she divulges herself. Past the comedy, past the clowning, past the wall of humility...there is an extremely self aware and strong human being. In no way am I saying Rino appears weak when you meet her, she just has a very deceiving suit of armor. It isn't the common suit; she is extremely unique. Almost impenetrable. Rino is courageous. Self-Expressive. And direct. She reveals herself often, but you have to read between the lines to see the root of her glorious and animated stories. She paints a picture of her world and herself when she speaks about herself. I learn so much from her every time we are together. 

While I am highly sensitive and withholding, Rino is essential and straightforward. She is clear. One of the biggest things I respect about this person is that she lives everyday, even the smallest of tasks, on her own terms. She may argue that she is not as durable or self essential (which equates to my understanding of not being so complex), but my proximity to her reveals to me that she really just doesn't give a fuck. That is a very hard thing to fucking do. Some people think they do it. Some people pretend to do it. But she purely just doesn't give a fuck. Sure, she has awareness and humility to be a functioning and respected human...and let me tell you, the girl has talent. But no, she lives out loud more than most people I know. It is infectious and I believe, one of the main reasons we are drawn to each other and found solace together so quickly. We are both nerds at heart but shelled in these bodies that sometimes trip us both up. But she, like me, gets up every time. And not only that, she just gets stronger. I couldn't imagine seeing Rino is a state of despair. Sure, sadness and pain. Actually, sure I could imagine her being capable of it. But not by choice. She perseveres. She doesn't get swept up, and if she does...well it doesn't stop her from living. She is the closest person to the animated character Joy (from Inside Out). But it boggles my mind that she also shows signs of Daria and Ginger. She is no one thing. Rino will fight for what is right. I respect this the most.

We share something that at times I have to talk about, but it is something I see in her all the time. 

Quiet assurance. I justify for clarification and means of seeing all sides. Rino just has it. She doesn't need to explain herself. And what I love more than anything, is how this human can laugh at so much. Her ability to see and appreciate humor enables the people around her to see her in the most authentic light. When she is being herself, and no not just the clutzy version, she makes me laugh. Because she is just so herself. All the time.

She reminds me to keep my bleeding heart wrapped up so I can keep fighting.

So now you understand what significance Rino plays in my life, though we don't always have to talk about it. It's just known. And I like that. It's different for me, but I trust it. Like I trust her. With my life. Crazy.

So...the inspiration she offered me today came in the form of some shared love stories, shared perspectives, and a new song. From a musical no doubt. Another thing we have in common. (You want to see me feel? Slap a musical on.) But she showed me this song that just resonated with everything we were talking about and it somehow inspired me to possibly put up a show in our own unique way of this new found musical. It inspired me to create. It reminded me of who I am. Who I want to be. An ordinary day hanging out with Rino. And I found a miracle. She inspired a miracle. She is the miracle.

I can see her blushing when she reads this. But I love that we are getting to know ourselves together. It's meant to be.

'Because I'll be here
Right beside you as long as you want me to be.
There's no question.
There is nothing I've wanted so much in my life.
This might sound immature but I'm totally sure you're the one."
And we had just begun.