Documented Explorations of the Chaotic Mind




The Month of Change

February is the month of change.

There is a website I have followed for years that provides a cosmic prediction of what each month will bring. January was the month of flexible persistence. The post encouraged the readers to be persistent in their goals and in their intentions with a new year, but to be flexible with all the changing tides. Sure, this kind of thing can be easily considered bullshit to most people, sometimes myself included. But I have been an avid follower for too long not to see the validity and truth in these readings. Which leads me to February. The month of change. This is the month to promote, accept, and allow change. I believe that every month has its own changes, but I can't help but notice how this month especially ties in with the prediction. The post explains that this month will bring changes in your relationships, health, beliefs and habits. The question may arise 'Will I get through this?", as the changes that will come about this month will come hard and unexpected. You will have to examine your part in dysfunctional relationships, ask yourself why you live small, and you may even ask yourself 'why me'? But January taught us that with flexibility and persistence, change can't knock you down. It builds you up. It enables strength and a fresh perspective.

The reason I decided to write about this is because the changes are hitting me hard. I dove in January with a fire. The fire lead me to create and impose myself in so many new places. I sincerely felt on top of the world. Then February came. And instantly, things started to change. Relationship dynamics began to shift; friendships were no longer new so that inevitable comfort and distance that comes with familiarity began to sit in. This scares me at times. Becoming too familiar in relationships can be great because there is no longer much work needed to bind each other, but it can also feel like the magic of a new relationship is gone. I live for that magic. But I have also learned that the magic is not what holds a relationship together. It's the familiarity and the comfort that you trust once you have lived through the magic. The honeymoon phase of many new relationships ended at the start of February. I live for the honeymoon stage. It can be a problem. I'm working on it. But besides this, the onset of new intimate relationships came about and with that brought its own drama. Needless to say, I noticed a change in my social life. Which lead to a change in my work life. Which led to change in my physical life. One by one, I noticed small shifts of energy that led to larger awareness that things had changed from when I felt on top of the world. Somehow this weekend, I found myself back at the bottom. 

This is an extreme observation, as I know nothing is that bad. But I feel a little out of my power. I feel like so many things have happened that I haven't been able to keep up with the change. Here I am lying in bed sicker than dog, and I am reminded that I am being given a chance to sit back and observe. To process all that has happened this month. February has never been a great month for me. For the past few years, relationship drama and a lack of confidence finds me in the second month of the year. I am not sure what it is. By March, I usually come back with a mega come back but there is something about the second month that really gets me. I always thought I liked change. That I needed change. And I still believe this. But I can't help but still feel trampled by all the changes. Mostly by the changes in myself. How I feel about myself.

The universe has supported my needing to stay in bed and rest this week, as I see the other facets of my life be flexible to my condition. So because of this, I will persist. I won't cave into the changes. I will embrace them. Otherwise, the chaos will swallow you whole. 

My point is this: change is inevitable, but facing it rather than hiding from it will empower you to get ahead instead of behind the wave. And if you're sick in bed, don't take it as a punishment. Take it as a gift to recoup and regenerate.