Timing and Shitting and Signs, Oh My.
Timing is a fickle bitch.
As you may have guessed yesterday, I wasn't really in the mood to write anything as the day just didn't offer me much inspiration. Today was different. Today has been overflowing with inspiration. And based off my observations of why I was inspired by today, it came down to this:
Let me start off with how I woke up this morning. Anyone ever experience the sharp pain of your stomach caving in on itself coupled with some alarming bodily outbursts? I have! Here is how it went down:
By 8:25am, I realized it was time for me to see a doctor, one of which I don't have out here in LA quite yet. My instinct to call my friend down the street was a good one because the clinic he suggested happened to open at 9am. This meant I had just enough time to get there before the inevitable line of other sick people herded at the door. Timing. Had I woken up any later, I would not have been the first one at the door handle, nor would I have been the first one to hand over my precious insurance card. Score! Here's where things got iffy. Being at a new doctor alone when you have no idea what is wrong with you is pretty much up there with having to tell your parents you crashed their car. It's uncomfortable, unnerving and downright scary! I'm going to thank timing on this next part too. I have a person out here who I call 'my person'. She has exceeded the laws of nature in being my friend and she is someone with whom I trust my life with. At exactly the moment I needed her to respond, she without hesitation, offered to meet me at the doctor. As soon as I was swept to a different floor, I panicked that she wouldn't be able to find me. Without being discouraged, my friend still headed my way. I gave her a vague description of where I was in the doctors office, and timing was on my side. The minute I emerged from offering my golden evidence to the menacing little plastic cup (sorry tmi..), my friend emerged from the elevator just in time for me to scoop her up and safely place her in the exam room with me. Ok, so these are small examples of timing being a precarious thing. But it gets better, just wait.
If it isn't clear, I've been on a sort of life high. I've been productive, proactive, and present in a way that I've been striving to be for the better of ten years. And of course, right in the middle of that momentum, my body breaks down. Mind you, I am not enjoying being bed ridden all day. I feel shitty, useless, and wish someone could come massage my back until I fall asleep (which I know is possible, but I'd rather just complain about it right now). But, then it struck me; the timing of this physical setback. I am about to embark on a very busy week, heck a busy month, and I know I am making radical changes in my day to day routine that probably has shocked my system. I take this ulcer like feeling as a warning. The timing of my being bed ridden in some way has given me a day to recover before the big game. I'm not about to let this thing keep me down for long, but I gave it one day. Sometimes all you need is one day to see a new perspective. I am not lazy, useless, or in that much pain (that's a lie but for the sake of the story...), my body is telling me something and I needed to listen.
Which brings me to the next part of the day. Once in awhile, there are days where my many scattered friends around the world get in touch with me so we may cover all the latest happenings of our lives. That day was today! One of my oldest and dearest friends, the girl who taught me what blogging even is, happened to be one of those phone calls. Time never passes for us and hearing that she is happy gives me the warmest feeling ever. The fact that our call had been pushed back a few days and that her gracious boyfriend happened to be in the room during our call was another example of precarious timing. Her boyfriend had somehow fallen onto the topic of an interactive theatre company he had personal ties to here in LA. Now if you know me, you know this is my SHIT. I am obsessed with interactive theatre and I believe it is something I was truly born to do. (It's pretty much what I did everyday for a long time...) But this was different. It had slipped my mind the past few weeks that interactive theatre was meant to be added to my 2017 bucket list. After my trip to New York this past December, I had the chance to stand at the door of Sleep No More. It's funny that illness is what prevented me from seeing this show, and now illness is what encouraged this new opportunity to fall into my lap. Just so happens, I haven't missed the date for auditions and my name has been personally submitted. I mean... TIMING!?!? I also noticed when I went to the companies site that my name was popping out at me. My name came out of two other peoples names, but it was the first thing I noticed. I took it as a sign.
Just when you think you've forgotten something, timing has a way of reminding you.
So moving on with the day. Mind you, I'm still in bed while this is all happening. So I have a another dear dear friend..for the sake of this post, all I am going to say is that this friend holds some very strong and sincere heart feelings towards me. And although, yes, there was a time when the feeling was mutual, as some things go...the desires just weren't the same. Me being me, I did everything I could to maintain a solid friendship. Which I believe we had done. However, once in a blue moon this friend somehow musters a brilliant honesty and confidence that enables him to confess his feelings for me. I commend this on many many levels. But I couldn't help but notice something. The timing of it. Sure, these conversations are not always the easiest to have, but having nothing except my pain and bed to cling to, there was no barrier between us in discussing the current situation at hand. Had we continued going on the way we were, would there be more pain in the long run? If I wasn't in such a present place in my life at the moment, would I have been able to say with love in my heart that sometimes being friends means more than partners? But that wasn't the only thing that struck me. Information had slipped concerning a certain person... (for the sake of this, I will only say that this person was once very much in my life but quickly revealed herself to be someone I prefer much distance with). This person had been tainting my name to a few people that I honestly consider family. The irony being, this same person was the LAST person on my shit list that I had put out the intention to mend things with. But for the past week, something in my body was resisting the urge to meet with her. Something was telling me that sometimes there are people you don't mend things with. And that's ok. The timing just isn't right.
Once again, timing.
Had my friend not divulged his heart to me on this day, I would not have the information that encouraged me to have clarity in some other aspect of my life. Sure, I'm not worried about my dear friend. We have something special that we are constantly figuring out, but he is a friend for life no doubt. While my body was in recovery from one illness, another illness of sorts in my life cleared up! Just for effect, as I happened to sign on to Facebook for a quick stop, my memory of the year picture appeared and showed a happy picture of friends involved in this conversation that I am no longer close to. TIMING! I am sitting here in bed spewing with so many ideas of how to make this message profound, which I will...but I keep stressing the effect of timing in all of this because I am ending the day happy. I am happy that through the haze of illness and mental discouragement, there were rewards. I was aware that there were things I needed to see today.
Before I open my eyes every morning, I utter a prayer and ask my source 5 questions. Those questions and that prayer evoke my awareness so that I am able to grasp every detail I need in the day. I didn't do that this morning. And somehow I was still able to answer those questions. (I'll explain that another time.) If I wasn't in a present, clear, and positive mindset, these setbacks and rewards would be moot. But timing is everything. When you are ready to receive information, you will. Sometimes, its not comfortable but you can handle it. When you are meant to be sick and recover, all your responsibilities and commitments will deal with themselves because you need a day off. When you need a sign, you get a sign.
That's what happened today. I received some signs.
Enough about me. The point is this, just when you think you've been knocked off your high horse or you have everything in the world figured out for even just a moment, don't forget that timing has a fickle way of revealing more to us. Look out for the signs. The signs are leading you to your personal legend. The story, the tale, the adventure that is uniquely yours. When you ignore or miss the signs, you are cock blocking timing. Though timing is a concept we created in our human brains, its effects exist without logic. The timing of this day was perfect. I accept that being in bed and being fully present to all these events led me closer to my personal legend.
If you find yourself near the point of shitting your pants in your sleep, make sure you have a special person that will forsake their Sunday morning and meet you at the clinic.
And the next time you find yourself ordered to a bed for the day, take it as a sign that timing might be doing you a favor. Your attention may be needed, so give it. Everything happens for a reason and everything is temporary.
*As this post 'went to press' timing offered me one more sign. My dear friend with the sincere heart feelings called me up and with the bravest candor I've seen in years, informed me that being my best friend is more important than any fleeting fling. One hour apart to think, to soak in the bath, and the phone rings! TIMING people. Something I am forever aware of and extremely grateful for.