Documented Explorations of the Chaotic Mind




The Eulogy

I wrote this while sitting in my acting class a few days after he died. For creative purposes, you might hear this again sometime. But just in case, I figured it was time to share it. Hope you're reading buddy.


In case I never get the chance to say this, it’s right that this is where the words are said. I poured my heart out right here while he watched me right there. This isn’t to console anyone or to prove my love, it merely is my chance to honor my friend out loud.

You only get a few soul mates in this life. I offer kudos to anyone who has had the experience of catching eyes with someone and instantly knowing on both ends that you have been reconnected, as if you had met before. Not many can say they have actually watched another human being physically, mentally, and spiritually fall in love with you. I have.

Everyone has the right to their sacred bond with him, but to continue living knowing you are the person he bared his soul to, and not just the good stuff, but the real stuff. The stuff you long to tell someone who will just…get it. When he saw he had that in me, time and proximity didn’t matter. It was done. W weren’t just best friends, it wasn’t love at first sight, it was family. He put me to sleep with his FaceTime calls and I woke him up always two minutes before his alarm went off. No one can take away or remedy the guilt, the regret, the things unsaid, the moments not lived. But I, among so many others, knew he was one of the special ones.

You knew I was never full of shit; I was just never asked the right questions.

I would do anything to have him back. It isn’t fair and it makes the world darker. But somewhere, I know it makes sense. A shooting star shines bright but not for long, you have to really be looking for it to see it.

Humble, tenacious, generous, ambitious, dangerous, goofy, troubled, nurturing, intelligent, loving and warm. A person so gifted with an emotional intelligence that finally matched mine. We weren’t so alone once we found each other. A vault. A safe place. Home.

He was home.

I wish a lot had been lived differently. But it happened as it was supposed to. We will always have the night on the roof, when the moon was full. And our questions for each other offered hope and enlightenment.

Thank you for finding me and thank you for keeping me.

Kudos to you for enabling the change I just couldn’t do alone. I will always long for the letter you wrote me on my birthday. And mark my words, I will do everything I can, even if I know you’d be bashful, to celebrate your spirit.

I will always be your peanut butter, the sexy clown, and your family. I love you and I can’t wait to see you on the other side.

Save me a good seat.

Cheers to you man.

For anyone who has loved another person. Or lost a person. Or just needed a little reminder that it's ok to expose your heart.