For The Boys
Today was a magical day.
I cooked. I worked out. I was healed. I talked. I created. I collaborated. I listened. I helped. I laughed. I ate. I watched. I worked. I prayed. I smiled.
In short: I am feeling my humanity today. Unlike yesterday, when I am pretty sure I convinced my acting class that I was the new floor wino to be feared. (My hangover and bodily functions were not working in my favor, hence my giving no fucks as I slumped down to the ground while looking like a shiny ere of corn i.e. my outfit). Needless to say, I was working with my flow and the locomotive of desire was churning on my side for the day. There are a lot of contributing factors as to why this day was such a stellar one. And by the end of this day, I have learned and observed key concepts that exist in my reality.
First off, I must thank the wonderful ladies in my life that not only supported me in my creative efforts today, but actually took time out of their days to help me succeed. My dear friend held me accountable to our workout pact despite being across the country by reminding me to send her a video of me completing our daily routine...and I did! My other dear lady friend managed to construct several outfit choices that really speak well to my intentions for an upcoming photo shoot- and I couldn't be more excited to have her there at the shoot to see her contributions come to life! And of course I have to thank my dear friend Stitch. (At some point expect everyone to have a nickname because I do understand the 'dear friend' identifier may make these explanations to complicated in the long run. Bear with me for now, the names have to be accurate). Anyway, Stitch helped me today by collaborating on an audition piece with me- an audition that means a heaping load to me. I will not discuss this audition at this time, but trust me when I say that I've been on actors block with this piece for some time, and just being able to dive into it with a like minded ally felt incredible. And the topper was my girlfriend from class checking in on me at the end of the day, just to make sure I wasn't laying on any more floors. I was touched.
So thank you my ladies. You did a swell job in making this day mean something to me.
But this post, this post is for the boys.
Get out of your head. My statement is not literal. I simply mean that I am aware that my emotional, spiritual, and most compassionate moments are being presented to me in the form of males. Let me break it down.
It took a man in the form of an old crush to reappear this week to remind and enforce how precious of a person I am and how much I deserve in the realm of love. And yes, I feel empowered and fully convicted in saying this because, why the hell wouldn't I say that? No shame on the guy, but none the less, it was a guy who reminded (not showed) me my self worth.
It took a man who shared the experience of losing our best friend with me to move in for a week for me to realize that if I ever share a living space with another human being again, it has to be a straight male. Love to all my former roommates, but the joy and ease of coexisting with someone I can openly talk to, laugh with, share responsibilities with, and also give zero fucks as to where they go or what they do is fun and makes coming home feel even safer.
It took a man in the form of my acting teacher to remind me of the processes that never really fade away. He reminded me that life is about fighting, accepting, or changing your reality. Something he knows I have faced and thought a lot about. But he fuels this lesson in my work and in my self, and it produces beautiful moments in life. I feel seen, understood, supported and inspired in the work I do with this teacher. There's a level of classes at our acting studio you can reach which equates to the 'highest' level; I stand by the reality that I would turn a spot down in that class to stay with my teacher now. Simply because, when it is right, it's right. You don't mess with it. So I won't.
It took a man to heal me of my menstrual cramps today! I visit a reiki healer every two weeks. What started out an innocent experiment to discover what reiki meant (but more so to have the trippy experience described by the person who referred me to him) soon turned into a priority. I used to see a therapist once a week for four years while I lived in Chicago. That man changed my life and made me the person I am today. But when I left, I sort of fell off the therapist wagon and convinced myself that not talking to someone about what went on in my head would be just fine. Well, I have no shame in admitting that I was a fool. Clearly in reading my thoughts, you can understand what life may be like for me to keep all this inside all the time. So I need to tell someone. At this point in life, I am grateful for this portal to expel all the gritty details. But it's still important to have proximity with another human who enables this form of healing. So yah, I have a reiki guy. During out session today, he taught me a phrase that ties in with a concept that has been showing up all over life as of late.
The Gap Response.
No, not the traditional casual apparel company. The Gap Response is the experience of intent and response. In between exerting or putting out strong intent or work and seeing what happens from it. The letting go of the baby so it can grow into a bird. (I mean..I try..) But seriously, now I had a name for the experience I have been living. I am at a point where I must patiently wait and trust that all my hard work is being acknowledged somewhere and that whatever happens is happening for a reason. So right off the bat, this man had mentally healed me of my existential pondering. But THEN he cured me of my menstrual cramps. For those who don't know, reiki is a form of energy healing involving the transferral and distribution of energies in the body. Go look it up if you want to know more. Anyway, I believe and trust it. I had to after today. The man merely put pressure on my legs, hips, and back and I swear, as if he cast a spell, I got up and felt good as new. Which was not how I walked in. Despite having a good day, physically, I still resembled the floor wino. But it was cramps! And somehow he dispersed whatever energy those cramps give us and made it go away! I mean, if there is any instance where a man understood a period, this was it. I was grateful.
It also took a conversation with a man that I happened to catch a spontaneous dinner with at my favorite sushi spot to remind me of the heart I am putting into the world. To discuss your life intimately with a new friend, to me, is a gift. And I like to believe I have a gift for enabling others to open up about themselves, which can be a gift to another being. Speaking to him, gaining new perspectives, and trusting the energy to divulge much of myself reminded me that no matter when or where you are in life, it's never too late to make your dreams come true and to be who you truly want to be.
Having my heart touched by so many males is an interesting experience. I feel as though we expect to receive compassion and emotional support from women primarily, whether you want to argue this or not. But to see the men be the conduits to my compassion this week made me smile, because they deserve a little credit.
Now hear me out, at a time when an entire gender is rallying around the world and making history along the way, I have never been more honored and excited to be a woman. I am surrounded by powerful, strong, intelligent and interesting woman. And I am one of them.