Start Where You Are.
There is something I've been avoiding.
Why I have been avoiding it has been a mild mystery to me the past few months. But the day has come. I must face it.
I have been working on a tv series. The idea was conceived almost a year ago today. I can recall the exact place, the exact people, and the exact circumstances I was in when this idea came to me. I remember the inspiration, the love, the joy I felt over having this idea pop in my head. Months went by as I slowly started building momentum on this idea. I enlisted other people to help me. I spent my days organizing and writing down ideas. But for some reason, I wasn't able to form a full body story. I had the characters and the concepts in mind, but no story. Then it happened. My best friend died in September, and I had my story.
Pretty blunt and morbid, I know. But the inspiration that came from my grief was a gift.
I had a story. My story. A story layered with my truths. Except now these truths had heart, they had a depth that I couldn't pin point before. So within two weeks, I completed six episodes of a full body story while laying in bed dealing with my stages of grief. So I wrote it about that. The stages of grief. Personified through the experiences of some flawed young adults. Sounds like something you've probably seen before. But I am convinced there is something different about my story, and it's because it's mine. No one sees the world like I do. No one understands the tiny nuances of detail that I do. And that is why this series demanded to be created. I knew it. So after almost a year of fruition, I had created this thing in a mere two weeks. I was ready to go. Ready to turn my broken heart into my art. So when the time came to share this idea with other people, my plan was more clear. I knew who I wanted, where I wanted it go, and what it would look like. But I couldn't do it alone. I had to give the project over to like minded individuals who had more experience with a series. So I enlisted the help of my trusty series team (all of which I had known from college or from previous projects) and I gave them free reign to take my work and turn into it something better. To fill in the gaps. To tell the story from a different perspective. And everyone was on board! We had a game plan. And we set off.
Then life happened. I became involved in another project, A revolution tour of sorts, that had me traveling the states for the better of three months and my attention was drifting. I was no longer as focused on the series, on the grief I was feeling when I wrote it, or on the story my team had rewritten. I started to actually avoid it. To run away from their rewrites and the story all together. Maybe I was afraid of what they had written. Maybe they had changed my story so much that it no longer felt like mine. It no longer held the weight of my original intention. Maybe I was afraid to face the feelings that are embedded in this series. The grief and the pain I was in when I wrote it. Maybe it was meant to exist as an outlet for my grief and that was it. But something deep down was tugging at my heart. I knew it wasn't just an outlet, it was a message and a dedication that needed to be exposed. So I kept putting the work on the back burner, knowing there would be a moment when I knew it was time to work again. In case they are reading this, I felt really bad for my team. They put this effort and time into something that I couldn't face. I feared their faith in me would dwindle and they would pull out of the project, but so far they have stuck by me. I trust that they believe I will accomplish this. I believed and still believe in it so much that I know I will accomplish this! So here I am, sitting on my bed answering the call.
The call came today. Today is the day I face the music. I open the drafts and I finally read page to page every new detail. I finally sync up the old and the new stories and I trust that the story will unfold because it came to to me and asked to be written. We are all vessels of inspiration, but we have to be open to it. I wasn't for a long time. I had to go through the same thing the main character goes through in order to come back and face this story again. Yes, the main character is loosely based off of me, but her journey was one I didn't realize I would go through myself. Now that I have, I have a different perspective. I can see the full story now. Sure, I don't feel as confident going in as I did before because so much time has passed, but something is telling me to trust my perspective and my heart and just start. I am open to the inspiration and the story that unfolds and I trust that the payoff of this project will fill the hearts of everyone involved. I really do. I don't create something if I don't trust it has a greater purpose. So today I work.