Don't Fight the Flow
It's one of those days.
One of those days when you wake up on the wrong side of the bed. One of those days where the weather isn't what you hoped it would be. One of those days when you don't feel like yourself. When the flow is off. I know first hand that these days are pivotal to the cycle of life. Things are going great, everything seems to come together in harmony, and you feel happy. Then one day, almost out of nowhere, the flow changes.
I can feel my flow has changed.
But I am aware of this. And it helped in my observations today. I started the day at my movement class and the lesson we applied to our work was similar to the one I posted about yesterday. The condensed lesson being: you can't control the flow. You can't fight the force. When you want something so badly, how much are you willing to do to obtain it? Are you willing to fight against the forces of nature or do you have to ride the wave and hope for the best? I have learned through much personal experience that the resolve tends to lie in the latter.
We practiced different styles of expanding and retracting with our bodies that made me think about the expansion and retraction of life. Some days, you are open and exposed to the world. Ready to take on it's challenges. And some days, you retract; closed off and retreating from the energy around you. We then proceeded to deal with other elements of control that included us having to tell a partner some issue we are dealing with in life, and to use every emotion in our wheel house to gain their empathy. Now, it might work against me in admitting this, but I know how to use my emotions very well. I know how to read people and I know how to be controlling. I have worked very hard over the years to balance this ability with the powers of good, and I believe I am at a neutral and wonderful place with it. But since one of my spirit animals is a snake...careful when you cross me (with your emotions). I know how to play the game.
Anyway, we had to use a variety of emotions to see if we could feel the empathy of the person we were sharing out stories with. I had frustration, anger, and sadness layered in my story and I immediately could tell that sadness lured my partner in. That's the human way though. We don't identity with others when they are venting their anger or frustrations because this is an external crisis. It's pushing against the flow. But when we go inside and divulge the part of ourselves that everyone carries dormant all the time, then we are working with the flow to connect. So back to why this notion struck me: you can't control the flow! You can't push to have people on your side. You can't push to be on top all the time. You can't even push to feel happy when you're having a melancholy day! That's just the way it is. Sure, you can trick your brain into believing that everything is ok. And in fact, the fake it till you make it approach sometimes works. However, there are some times when you just have to accept that the flow is pushing against you because you're pushing too hard against it.
I have been putting a lot of energy into the world as of late. And as I mentioned in my previous post, it hit me yesterday that it's time to reel it in. It's time to do things for me and not for the external forces around me. Does this mean I am going to hermit up and stay inside for the remainder of the week? No! I am going to use all the tools I have to accept that this is as much a part of the bigger picture as those perfect productive days are. Sometimes the flow has to push back on us for us to see which areas we need to tend to. And on top of all of this, avoid comparing. It's easy to vent to friends about issues or emotions when you feel a little lost or off the path, but this is where trouble lies. Divulging your chaos so freely enables chaos to roam freely. It spreads like wildfire. I'm not saying keep the lid on tight. But choose wisely whom you divulge yourself to when you feel in the shit. Most people, even the ones you cherish the most, don't always have your best interest at heart when they hear you struggling. We are all prone to this. Seeing someone else's flow run wild and feeling comfort that ours is in place. But this is another level of control. You can't compare your situation to another person's because its merely different. So you learn to stabilize. I had to. I had to learn how to train my mind to deal with set backs and negative emotions in a way that would not spread to other people and in a way that I could jump right back on the horse the minute it bucked me off.
Which is what I am doing now. I have worked out twice today. I have spent two hours catching up on my tv shows. And I have meditated every chance I get to remind myself that some days, you just need to recalibrate. I am not going to let the stress and the dysfunctional feeling I woke up with stop me from showing up for myself. I will accept that I have a support system if I need it, a trained mind to handle life's endless waves, and a portal to expose my true feelings that is meant just for me. Yes, you may be reading it, but what you're reading is the disposal of the negativity that needs to be released. And how do you do that?
You take Meryl's (or rather Carrie Fischer's) advice and turn your broken heart into art. You show up. You remind yourself that everything is temporary. And you let go of control.
So maybe I sit the next few nights out so I can reflect on my own a bit. I'm lucky to be able to do that! It's necessary! Because I am realigning my flow. I am allowing it do it's thing. Sometimes the best thing to do, is nothing at all. I don't mean stop everything you're doing like I did months ago, I just mean, don't try so hard. Trust that the flow has your back.
My point is this: there are a lot of things out there to fight for. More compassion. More self love. More empathy. But fighting the flow only causes it to fight back harder. If you're having a shitty day, let it be shitty. Thank the force that it offered you the gift of awareness to see where your flow isn't aligned.